Failure

(NB: Apparently I’m so good at this, I left it in my drafts folder for a month.)

It’s a word that strikes fear in the heart of so many, myself included. It’s something that makes you stressed, that makes you hide, shamed and worried about what They will think. Perhaps its not even Them (you know.. Them.. the nameless faceless judgey Them), but specific people or guilds or orders that you know and respect and admire and perhaps even want to be like when you grow up. Perhaps you’re worried what they (quite specific they this time) will think when you admit ‘this went horribly horribly wrong’.

I finally waved the white flag of surrender on my fian project this week (aka mid-July), and posted to the group that I was done. /done/. Oh so very done. (Yes, that’s why you haven’t seen it in a while on here.)

I’ve been hemming and hawing and agonizing over calling it quits for a while. Like little ‘I think this might not be working’ comments to friends, and then less little ‘I think this might be dead dead’ comments to friends, and then ‘this is making me crazy and killing all my creative existence’ to friends and my laurel. By the last one, they rightfully looked at me as if I was an idiot (hint, I was being an idiot) and said ‘if this piece is off the rails enough that you aren’t working on anything? Gotta go.’ Even then, I took another 2 and a half weeks of ‘maybe I could…’ thoughts about revamping before I surrendered.

 

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